searching for some credito extra.

 Distortion is a good thing. 

losing myself

journeying

get a closer look...you know you want to

Lost time is never found again. Benjamin Franklin

A journey, that's what these photos are to me. Imagine yourself in her shoes as you begin an adventure, meandering through a straight path, a clean path, the path chosen. It is well marked, and drawn out. Everything around seems to point down this path. So you start to walk, examine things along the way. The wind begins to blow, you're a little confused as you approach the biggest transition in your life- you're entering something new. It seems like it still might be on the right path, but it's new..waiting, waiting, waiting.... still waiting while on the marked path. So you keep on looking, you keep observing but you're surrounded by the hectic world, by the consumers. You hate this. All of a sudden something across the way looks intriguing. You kick off you shoes, feel the grass beneath your feet- it's incredible.  You want to make sure it's okay, so you hide behind the trunk of tree. You peak around, no one is watching. And up you go. It's so beatuiful, so inviting, so much potential. So you just trust and keep climbing. It took a lot to get to this point. And then you peer over, wow. What an incredible view. So peaceful, so filled with purpose. There's hope.

Masked.

I’ve learned by looking at lots of masks that they all seem to be hiding something. It’s as if you put on something new. Whether or not this is particularly “good” or “bad” is up to the mask-bearer. Particularly I see similarities between Napoleon’s Death Mask and mine. Napoleon’s mask really shows someone who is dead, and you can see it in the facial expressions, the eye, and even the tilt of the head.

In accordance with Pre-Modern times, my mask is representative of a Festival of Renewal. As I leave my mask behind, the old has gone and the new has come: renewal. According to Post-Modern Times there’s relevance in the fact that the mask holds no weight. There is nothing behind it. It is lying there and has been left, abandoned, removed. There is no longer a wearer.

 Who am I really and who I am ideally? Ideally, I am becoming more like Jesus each and every day. That means that I am becoming more whole in the unique and individual person God created me to be. I don’t think real and ideal apply in the same way that they did with my portraits to my mask. I think real and ideal in my mind- when thinking of my mask- have to do with justification and sanctification. Justification comes when that mask is removed. When I leave it behind, I die to myself, and take up my cross. That is real, and happens once when I “Proclaim with my mouth “Jesus is Lord”, and believe in my heart God raised him from the dead you will be saved. Romans 10:9. “ I have been saved, that is real. This mask being left behind is real. But it is the belief part of this that is ideal. Because I am so broken and sinful, I choose to be my own God- to believe that I my ways will get the best results. This is ideal, that each day I don’t look for other masks to pick up and cover up the person God created me to be, I can easily dilute this.

I think culture tells us each day to go in the closet and decide which mask we will wear that day. My mask is absolutely counter to that. But isn’t that what the bible is? I think that Brueggemann’s theses are absolutely correct when it comes to this script we were handed at birth and is constantly being added to as we walk throughout society. The bible tells us we will be counter-cultural. We will have different scripts, and many, sometimes even ourselves included, will not understand them at all. But that is why it’s not about bringing glory to ourselves. 

Earthwork

Our Earthwork, aka "The Meat Tree" was first based off of Rembrandt's Carcass of Beef. Clearly the draw with this work was the meat. But also behind the obvious slab of meat hanging is an uneasiness. This painting is very vulgur, and a little bit uncomfortable. We liked this, and wanted the same results for our photo. Rembrandt removed the cow from it's natural habitat and tries to glorify it here, this naturally is very uncomfortable for us.
I don't know how to rate the success of our earthwork, there are things I love about it and others that are incredibly frustrating. Our earthwork I think accomplished the ideal of being uncomfortable with choices we make, the set-up of it all was really cool to be apart of. Apart from all of that, I wished we had gotten better photos. The initial vision that we had for this of being incredibly gory and hard to look at morphed into a photo that makes you ask why there's such a weird looking piece of fruit. I think this is effective in a totally different way. It shows how deceptive our society can be. All in all, whether good or bad, our photo makes you think and ask questions. This is successful in my mind.

My group wrestled a lot in writing our proposal with whether or not this would be relevant to the site we were taking the photo at and setting up at. At first we said definitely not, but the more I've been engrossed with this project I think it is relevant to the Native American Site. I think that in the sense that it's a frequented site,  and to have this juxtaposition of thought present there is relevant to everyone. So that's just the site, but related to the "native american'ness'"of the site, No.

This is the part of art that is hard for me- the unconventionality of it. And this was especially difficult with the earthwork project. I am a literal person, I like to be efficient. And this project was hard to feel like I was doing that with. So, I think it is weird. I think that is okay. And I think it's okay that I still think it's weird. I am sitting in the 'weirdness' and I feel good about that. I don't know that I can appreciate the importance of this activity in its full but I think I have come to appreciate it more fully than when I began this semester.


Earthwork Videos

[i suggest you play simultaneously]

Landscape. 

, just by the mechanics of a camera and the convention of one-point 

    perspective, puts the viewer at the center of the universe, in a position of mastery 

    and control. ?A place of the single individual, not a community; a place that once 

    thought to be occupied by God. (The theme of the Renaissance: “Man is the Measure 

    of All Things.”The idea that we  occupy the center of the universe, (at least in our

     imaginations) that we own land and resources ourselves without necessarily

    acknowledging the earth as a gift from God, that we have autonomy over the earth 

    to do with it as we please, is a problem and is at the root of many of our issues in 

    the world. ?Is that an inherent problem reflected in the way we view the landscape? 

I think this is really true. I often find myself totally engrossed in landscapes. But I also have an inclination to zoom in on the specificity of things in nature like one little leaf or rain droplet.  It was harder for me to think specifically about zooming out and taking in a landscape in total. This landscape shows the vastness of God. Your eye doesn’t choose to focus in on one thing but the landscape in total. I like the contrast of colors, the slant, the imperfections, and the horizon line. I don’t think this photo makes me feel like I own the world, as if I’m the only one that occupies it. Instead, I feel outnumbered, small. Not in the same way I do when looking at a photo of the Grand Canyon. But more so, that I know I’m twice the height of those yellow flowers, and seeing how many of them there are.. thinking of myself in relation to that…. And there being that many people in one field… I’m clearly not alone.

This photo celebrates the earth. The earth is fallen just as we are, but it is being restored and renewed and one day it will be made perfect again. I love the interaction we are permitted with the earth. I think firstly, and probably one of the first things you would notice about this photo is the color. Yellow, blue, and green, are all signs of growth, excitement, and hope. This is in celebration of our earth. The line to the right of the photo shows that enough people have walked through to form a trail, this isn’t man-made: that is beautiful. But, I think that this celebrates how we interact with the landscape.   

Gungor,The Earth is Yours

Your voice it thunders
The oaks start twisting
The forest sounds with cedars breaking
The waters see You and start their writhing
From the depths a song is rising

Now it’s rising from the ground

Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours and singing
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours
The earth is Yours

Portrait.

In talking with Alexandra about her portraits we talked about how often people try to put her in a box.  She said she feels like people see her one way and yet she feels like she is a totally different way. Often Alexandra feels like it is expected that she is put together and composed- whether that be simply in dress or also in the way she holds herself. This ideal for anyone is hard to maintain. That is why Alexandra’s ideal portrait is what other’s think she ideally is. I think very often we try to put everyone in a box here at Wheaton so we can feel good about knowing who he or she is and everything they encompass. When in reality, no one can truly fit in a box; so to be shoved in one feels unnatural, irritating, and uncomfortable. This is ideally how people see Alexandra, in a box prim and proper. But the purpose of the portrait was to show the flaw in this ideal. She physically cannot fit in a box, and looks frustrated that people assumed that.

Alexandra’s real portrait is the way Alexandra sees herself. This is what is real to her. These clothes, this expression, the emotion, this is the way Alexandra sees herself and wants others to do so as well. I didn’t want this portrait to be heavily influenced by the real way that I see Alexandra, because I wanted it to be her portrait. So this is the real Alexandra in her own eyes; Breaking out of that box, and proud to be doing so.

I think that after making the portraits, I wished that she hadn't been smiling. And I wish that I could've fixed an entire thing made of boxes for her to sit upon. She was happy with them, which I was very grateful for- because ultimately I wanted her to feel like she had been well represented.

I don't know that either of these truly are Alexandra, because can you really capture anyone in a photo? Ever? You can catch glimpses of them. But i think often of the picture that Ali drew on the board where I think portraits are a glimpse into someone's life, but can you really represent a person? I would love to see that done, I don't think the odds are in your favor.

The portraits of myself I can’t say are my favorite things. I truly did enjoy the process of talking with Pepper and hearing her react to my sharing. But to answer these questions:

What do I look like? I think I look like a housewife serving some random people. I think I look out of place.  I look like Lauren, I am Lauren, but it doesn’t feel like a ‘portrait’ of me. It more looks like a picture of a dinner and is about a lot of people. Which I interesting when thinking of who I am and whether or not, me, is really all about me. I think it’s necessary to capture who I am, for God has made me individual and quite unique, yet there’s a part of this that I really like because it’s not about me necessarily- it’s more about the act of service. What if that truly was a portrait of me? I’m incredibly broken, so in no way does service sum me up, but what if that was a portrait of me- would that be any closer to a portrait of Jesus? I don’t even really know which photo was meant for real and which for ideal, they’re both the same set up. The bible seems a bit clique, but it was well intended. The entire real and ideal of someone cannot be summed up in a photo, clearly, I think to some extent we would all agree that because we are all created individually we cannot be summed up into one sheet of paper.

In total by looking through both sets of portraits- I don’t really know if the criteria would call them portraits. But, there are definitely recognizable faces, and they are what the photographer makes them, and I don’t like the idea of being constrained to a formula for a portrait. There should be organization, and I don’t know that the photos specifically of me follow that organization needed for a portrait, but I think it makes you think, and question.

With both sets, in speaking with two different partners about what my real and ideal is and what theirs is, it was cool to see what peoples hopes and aspirations are, how those align with others desires for their life, and then ultimately how they would align with what the lord has in store for them. Real and Ideal- real can mean who you are, really, what is true about you- more the route that I took in photographing Alexandra. But ideal has different connotations though, it can mean who you wish you were or who others wish that you were or pretend that you are. 

Image of God

Image of God.

Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son is an oil painting from the Bergoise Baroque period. This shows a homecoming and invites the viewer into a special event between father and son. Rembrandt was so touched by the parable that he made many different versions of this painting. It was known as a very intimate painting. Many of the characters included aren’t necessarily from the parable, but additions from his earlier works. Rembdrandt can identify with both the elder son and the prodigal son, and therefore chose to show both equally important characters in this story of forgiveness.

Just as this historically was a very emotional and moving piece it still remains that for me. We have a copy of this painting in my living room. I have become very accustomed to seeing it, and just the other night ran across an analysis I had done of it in high school. It was fascinating to hear my take from sophomore year on where I stood in the picture. I think at some point or other I can identify with both sons position. I think this is a powerful story of forgiveness in both positions.

I love this second photo. The first time I saw it, I was drawn to it, there’s something incredibly comforting and welcoming about this photo. But I couldn’t ignore the sense of alarm. I think this shows the reverence we must have for our God. I think it shows the beauty of our God. I think this shows the community through which we can experience God. I think this shows that He cares for us. I think that there’s something mysterious and exuberating about this photo.

“For our God is an all consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:29

My photo is a glimpse into the current place I so often encounter God, younglife. Young life reaches out to the ‘kids that seem the farthest out from the church’. Kids encounter Jesus and the true forgiveness of the gospel through the vessel of Younglife. Often kids make cardboard testimonies to show what the Lord has done in their lives. Here I see that God is merciful, abounding in grace, and real.

⁹ At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰ Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

¹¹ “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Writhing

            This sculpture,  St. Teresa in Ecstasy was created by Bernini. It can be found in the Cornaro Chapel in Rome, Italy. On first glance, it seems that a supernatural moment has been captured with the lines drawn from the sky, the angel, and the expression on the woman’s face. There is lots of emotion as St. Teresa has been encountered something heavenly. Her posture of submission and yet enthrallment show that we are clearly intruding here upon a woman’s supernatural encounter. The majority of St.Teresa’s body is covered with drapery; yet her facial expression and body movement show us that clearly the importance does not lie on her body, but on the experience and raw emotion. It is as if God has entered into her earthly body.

            My photo was taken to show the emotional response we get so often from our bodies. I will admit I am partial to the female body, being a female. But I think that there is a lot of importance in our 2012 culture for a female’s body to be a certain way. While this may be the case, our bodies are temples and therefore carry much more weight than just an appearance. This photo shows the emotion being exhaled. It looks like she is a slave to her body and to what others determine her body to be worth.  I like the comparison of this and St. Teresa in Ecstasy because I think it shows the importance of emotions in our body and how bad things can quickly get when bottle it all in.